Note to self

breathe in, breath out
Look around
You are missing it
You are letting it rush around you
There are thoughts in your head
There is love in your heart
There are motions from your body
But I can't help but wonder, are you here?
These people
These surroundings
Take it in, even if its ugly sometimes,
Take it in.
Notice where you
Realize who you are
Seek what is true
Seek what is lost
You will miss this place
Its seem overwhelming now, but later it will look surreal
You are not the youngest in the room anymore
Someone has taken your spot and you are moving on
Take inventory, Take stock, Take what you need
Give grace, Give acceptance, Give life
Focus the lenses, remember the One who loves you
Look into the eyes of your DNA and gaze on his beautiful soul
He is with you now, one day he will leave for the bright future
You will miss him. Enjoy his every giggle, his every hug wrapped tight around your neck,
Cherish and grow him in a way that shows him truth firm enough to stand in
Love abundant enough to give away
Life in full given to him by the greatest love
Faith worth more than money, time or life.
Look too, into the eyes of your love.
The one whom you would give up anything for.
The one that is always there, always accepting, always loving.
The one that even when you are at your worst, would stand up for you, would encourage you, would seek to make you happy, would give his very existence for you.
The joys that he carries and tosses to the people around him
Is a joy that you fell in love with.
The deep sense of genuine life in a fake world, the aura of faith in the midst of assumptions, and the fist full of hope in a broken world.
Realize his worth. Don't take him for granted. Cherish him.
And Lastly, Look to The Love, The Hope, The Rescue
The love that has been constant for all your days
The One that holds the hope, the dreams, the days of all living and non-living
The One who is greater than life,
And who seeks you.
He is immense and constant.
He has called you His love, His friend, His daughter.
He has seen you in every state of mind and being and place that you have ever been
and He calls you His love, His friend, His daughter.
Breathe in, Breath out
Take notice of where you are and who you are.
You are here.

Life as I know it

Everything has a virus
Nothing is new, only repaired or lost
It is all intertwined, tangled together into this mesh we call life
I feed off of it and it needs me for breath
I breathe in the waste, the residue, the byproduct of things that were and things that are to come
Everything tasted is shared between all existences
If I have more, you have less and if I need you want
Where is the beginning and is there and end
I am not a centerpiece but recycled skin creating old ideas
But I feel life in my bones; I know the air as well as my mother
And I know the taste of water as well as the lines carved on my skin
Eyes rounded, limbs stretched, blood pumps, lungs expand and I am me
Different that I was before, Different that I am soon to be
Ten fingers, like my own, moved over the earth
Displaying change like a circle that continuously moves toward an unknown
Singing the mountains to uplift out of the deep,
Shouting the scarlet molten to shoot from its warm within,
Dancing with the rhythm of the ocean's tide,
Whispering in your ear.
Life is more than food, clothes or belongings.
Step out your door and take one long breath of the thickness around you.
It is life and it is yours.
Treat it well because it is also mine.

Hold me tighter because I fear I might slip
Keep me near because I get lost easy
Let me know your love because sometimes I feel unlovable
Show me your grace because I am stained and broken
As I need these things, so does everyone else
Let me show grace when people disappoint me
May I love when people feel unlovable
Let my heart be ready for the seekers who can't find their way
And may I encourage and hold out my hand for those who lose their footing
As you have loved, show me how to love
As you give grace, show me how to hand it out
Let my heart, mind and body be so full of You that
I am overflowing love, joy, grace, truth, and peace to the world around me.
I will need help,
I am human, but I am also the home of Christ
and the hope of Christ
And I want to choose to be different
changed
renewed


"In the last days, God says, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days, and they will prophesy. I will show wonders in heaven above and signs on the earth below, blood and fire and billows of smoke. The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord. And everyone who calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved." Acts 2:17-21

My angel of hope had to move on
There are larger callings
Greater outcomes
And buckets of blessings
Just waiting around the corner for her
She is missed
I keep reminding myself that
She is where she is needed
But she is not in "her normal spot"
and she is "not by my side"
so it is hard
And while I mourn at my loss
Others are jumping for joy
at their gain.
My pride for her grows with every
Word she writes
She has grown so much and She will always be my angel of hope.
I love you Mary
Ray, Ryan, and I will always have a spot saved for you no matter what.

pieces of humanity

When I walk out that door
When I choose the shoes that are on my feet
When my self is my own
And I own myself
Perspective will turn and look me in the eye
Fear will abandon our friendship
And circumstance will become meaningful
The measure of chaos will equal the measure of precision
My hands will join the masses of change
There is a giant picture
Painted on the life of humanity
But I am all stuck on one corner of it.
It is acceptable, in fact it is encouraged
to draw no conclusion and keep seeking the pieces
As I get closer to meaning
To "enlightenment"
Something grabs my ankles and pulls so hard that I am bruised for days,
sometimes bruised for life
As long as my overall trajectory is forward
is nearer
is closer
Than I will continue to seek truth
To let this that is within me to push me forward
Into a beautiful existence
now and forevermore

here kitty kitty

A friend told me about a cat in a box
How fate changes with every opened lid
And the photons are firing
To change the outcomes of time
It is tiring to jump from dimension to dimension
So I stay on one track
One scenario.
Maybe if the lid is kept closed
You spare the life of the cat
But what happens to the life of the man?

day not forgotten

I am haunted through the night
I wake to a day left behind
One dove sailing high
I brought down with a bat of my eye.
I can only learn
I can only push forward
A bad day, a dead bird, a failure, an empty pocket
cannot claim my soul.
I have misplaced my straight across smile
I may have left it at the foot of tomorrow
But I deny the lies that clog my head
I put down the fried promises of perfection
and leap toward painful mistakes of growth
The stretch marks of life are itching today
at my sad lonely display of failed tries.